The MLS Is Not A Retirement League But Is Actually Fueling A European Bloodline Into American Soccer: My Conspiracy Theory Blog



Is the MLS a retirement league? The headlines would lead you to say absolutely. The hot take experts will use this argument to say this is the reason MLS will never grow if we’re simply just taken the beaten and worn aging superstars from Europe. It’s a pretty easy and lazy take to have when you actually look at the average ages of MLS players per team and just take a look at what the Philadelphia Union have done under Jimmy Curtain.

2017-2018 Season

^Also FYI this is from a British transfer website so I believe the “,” is a decimal point...I guess…

^Also FYI this is from a British transfer website so I believe the “,” is a decimal point...I guess…

Anyway, it’s easy to look at the European legends coming over here such as Pirlo, Lampard, Kaka, Gerrard, Villa, and most recently Ibrahimovic/Rooney looking to cash a fat check in a less competitive league. Teams are looking to sign these players to not only hopefully improve their squads but it does help sell some more tickets in windy Chicago during October when you have a big name like Bastian Schweinsteiger. (Which I recently found out his last name doesn’t mean “Pig Killer” in German, which is disappointing, to say the least.)

Well if you know me you know I’m a big conspiracy theory guy. From human resources being a massive scam that is not there to protect the worker but is only looking out for the company’s best interests to the banks knowing exactly when the next economic collapse is gonna be. ( I mean duh, they’ll get bailed out again.) The MLS is smarter than you think and the Illuminati counsel that hides in the shadows, probably controlled by Stan Kroenke, has a bigger picture. The MLS are buying these European superstars so these superstars can conceive in the United States and strengthen the American soccer bloodline.

Think about it. This is genius by the MLS. These superstars are pretty much on a victory lap. They are essentially on a year-long vacation where they can relax and make sweet babies with their wives. You don’t think Zlatan, Gerrard, Beckham, or Kaka all being in warm weather cities in the MLS, less than an hour from the beach, you don’t think they’re getting down? The MLS knows they are and want as many American born babies with these superstar European blood flowing through their veins. Imagine a USMNT squad 20 years from now with the last names Henry, Keene, Cole, and the many I’ve mentioned already, ugh what a dream.

The counter-argument from my articulate co-host Martin is that when deciding on what national team the rules say you can pick either the country you are born in, your parents, or grandparents country of origin. Martin goes on to say that why would these children of European and South American superstars pick America over say France, Germany, Argentina, etc. Well, I’m not saying that every child of these superstars are going to be pledging themselves to good Old Stars and Stripes BUT throw as many darts at a dartboard and hope one sticks mentality is in full swing. Let’s say 10 European stars have a combined 15 kids and we get at least 2 playing here in the States (I’m a psychology major, just don’t think about my math) that’s better than nothing!

So in closing, MLS not a retirement league because the MLS Illuminati are breeding the next generation of American talent through “retired” European superstars. We already see it happening. Hmmmmm.


By: Kevin J. Pettit, Co-host of Loud Americans Discussing Soccer Podcast